ssshhh.....it's secret

have you have any secret you wish you could tell someone
but you cant
why??
because you just cant trust anybody
i had plenty of secret that i wish i can share.. but i didnt
maybe its me, i dont trust anybody.. its my bad..

it might be embarrassing for me if anybody know the secret of me.. i am a very private people who did not talk that very much..
maybe there are somebody who think they can figure me out.. though i doubt it very much.. because i cant even figure ME out, myself

i live with principle, some of the principle is really ridiculous but i feel very comfortable with it.
my view might not be the same with others
i hope it differs because i want to be DIFFERENT.. but things just not what you think it is. wasn't it?
i am rambling here and i am not trying to make any sense at all.. i just want to say, that it is good to be somebody.. even though you are lil bit different from others.. you are who you are and i am who i am

maybe i need change because i am not making any progress with myself
maybe i need to be somebody else to achieve what i want
i need to start somewhere but my feet is glued to where i stand
sometime i feel that i cant move.. i just sway.. i need to change badly and i dont know where to start..

you might think that i am going to reveal my secrets to you.. it is not that many though.. you might be dissapointed... but what the heck.. this is mine, i dont think i can share it with anybody..

in conclusion, i think i dont trust anybody.. there is no one who can keep my secret..
i can found anybody YET!

ps : this is a secret, you cant share it with anybody!

change!

it take time to change
but i need it NOW!!

as a lazy bum i wish i am more hardworking.
i hope i start waking up early in the morning instead of 8 oclock everyday
this way i am able to be active earlier than i always had

i wish i can stop my television addiction and concentrate more on things that is more important such as my work and medical study.. really need to improve on this

i wish i am more concentrate on my work and discipline in completing my work
i wish i am more ambitious
i wish i am more friendly and more talkative? dont know about that but i think talkative person is have more friend and easily socialise.. well, i hope that.

there is a lot of think that i wish i am, and i hope i can be..
i dont want to be passive, i need to be more active
hmm, perhaps i should drink milo at the start of my day..

i wish i can CHANGE drastically

'SUNAT'thon

on 13th of december 2008 i had voluntered to help in a sunathon program organised by PSP USMKK. it is a program where about 80 over boys were gathered and will be circumcised together. it is an interesting program where i get the chance to assist dr to do it. well some of the guys from my batch had actually performed the procedure, but i still dont have the gut to do so. hehe, little bit chicken..

the day was started with all the boys were drenched by the fireman.. interesting to watch them get wet before awaits what will happen next. hehe, their worst nightmare..

may and i were given the task to assist dr irfan from ORL department (which circumcised lil boy 'assets' with such grace). it was so difficult the first time we assisted dr since we had no idea the different surgical apparatus in front of us. huhu, we felt so stupid cause we cant differentiate between artery with suture holder and forcep. so, we just hentam when dr asked for those things. silly us. thank god we finally get it when it come to the next boy. alhamdulillah..

we had managed to circumcised at about 8 boys that day. the most memorable boys that we had was the last boy, a lil boy (name is classified) who entered the room while closing both of his eyes with his lil hand. so cute! i even had to 'dukung' him onto the desk. (yup, we had actually used school desk as the bed). he done the circumcission with his brother which was coolly being chopped off (do mind my language).. at first he cried even before dr had done anything. his father had to comfort him in order to get him to relax so dr can circumcise easily. he never opened his eyes during the procedure.. i am so glad that he stopped crying. if not,i am not sure we can do it this year.

i am so glad i volunteer for this program. it is a very interesting program and i would like to join it again, if god permits me, insyaAllah



taking a bath together

chronology of a weird life

Bismillahirahmanirahim

Okay, this is the first time i ever open up to people..

Gosh, this feel weird. I always thought that blogging is a people way to tell about their life..

But i never thought that i will ever write about my life...

As you see, me, myself is private. I never share it with anybody, even those who are close to me..

Here, goes nothing

I was born on 29th October 1987. This is how i imagine it from what my mother told me.

It was a dark, not too busy night where my mom was busy preparing herself and my dad dinner.

It was a lazy night since tomorrow is already weekend. Everybody outside, were perhaps busying themselves since it was going to be Deepavali. Yup, i was born on Deepavali weeks.

My big sister was in on her own, doing things that only a 1 year old kids knows.. what else playing with her toys. Giggling and being busy. Maybe she was playing with my mom’s maid.. or maybe she was playing on her own... who knows.. but i knew she was there. Preparing herself to be a big sister, even though she had no idea i was coming.

suddenly, my mom felt a little sense of pain down on her stomach.. there i am.. Playing ball in my mother uterus, kicking my little leg as hard as i could as if trying to yell to mom.. i need FREEDOM!!!!! My mom told my dad about the pain, and she tried to ignore it.

I am not sure about my dad reaction since i am his second, but he rushed my mom to the general hospital of Kuala Lumpur. The road traffic there was not as bad as the jam they had in KL nowadays, in just a few minutes they had arrived there. My mom stood in front of the main door of the hospital and suddenly felt that the pain she had been feeling had disappeared. She then told my dad, “ xjadi la.” And she wanted to go home. But my dad persuade her to go inside and check up..wanting nothing bad will happen to his wife and kid. I think she hesitated to go inside but she still walked into the hospital.

I don’t know how hard it is, i cant imagine how painful it is. But in just a few minutes, my mom with all the energy in her had successfully delivered a baby girl. My mom said it was only the staff nurse who assisted the labour. I think all baby is cute and i am cute too as a baby. Hehe, that is perasan. I just cant help myself to say i am cute.. haahaaa!! Alhamdulillah, there is no complication and i was hands on to my dad who waited outside of the labour room. I remember my dad told my that he “xsempat nak panas punggung” pun before i was handed to him. And there i am ready to live in this world, every hope was on me.

In this post, i just want to say thank you. Thank you mom for having me. Thank you for not terminating your pregnancy eventhough you have a little child to take care of. Thank you for carrying me inside your womb and bear all the pain i caused you. Thank you for pushing your pelvic just to deliver me, thank you for the pain you bear at this time. Thank you for kissing me when i was put onto your breast as i was delivered. Thank you mom for everything!

I might not be the perfect daughter. I am sorry for giving you a hard time with all the crying and the tantrum i pull. I cant help myself, it is my nature. I was born to give you a hard time. Thank you MOM!!

I LOVE YOU