..ignore this post..

my life = empty??
i think everyday in my life flow just the same like yesterday..
sometime i dont think that there is much progression in it..
just the same old boring thing i repeat in my 24 hours routine..
once i try to spice it up.. but.. huh.. it end up with me repeating the same program over and over again..
i felt weird typing this in this page..
its like opening myself.. which i rarely do..
do i want to do this???
really???
im not sure..
is it good for everybody you know to know how you feel??
how i feel??
maybe it is better for you to shut up and just concentrate at the feeling around you
be more observing.. aware.. concern to your surrounding

i..
i never really care what i thought..
i never express them..
what if people hate what i might say..
it might not be true..
but.. i still say it..
what if they hurt..
is it my fault???
in that case.. i shouldnt
i should not..
i must not say anything..
keep it in me..
let it rot
let me rot..
let me become the selfish who wont share
as it will be much better if i am the bad one.. right????

huh.. am i going insane??
too much philosophy...
too much words..

IGNORE THIS POST!!!
THE EXAM MOOD IS REALLY AFFECTING ME..
REALLY.... IGNORE IT..
DONT LET IT SUNK INTO YOUR HEAD
JUST LET IT BE...

IT IS WHAT IT IS


Ps.... i think i am weird..
how to overcome this???

..my sister's wedding..

24th of january, 2004..
my sister.. Nurul Fahizha binti Fahimi had finally become wife to her loves.. Ahmad Fairuz bin Othman
i had prepared this video for both of them..
hope both of you, my sis and my abglong will love this simple vid
& Love each other forever

.. congratulation ..

imagine..

its a bless knowing what people think.. you can figure them out without even talk to them.. i guess the ability of edward cullen's has its own advantages..

let imagine that i had that super ability like him, hmm, superpower.. right.. when there is power there come a great responsibility.. like what mr Parker told to his niece.. responsibility.. it feel like a huge word to me.. i need to deal with responsibility .. i dont think i am that responsible.. not to myself.. not to my works.. and not to others.. GOD, how am i going to take this huge word with me.. do i have the strength to carry it on my shoulder.. it is like a huge stone that i had to carry.. i need to breathe, i need POWER, i need superability, superPOWER!!!!!! i guess if u have the ability, you need the responsibility too..

i hunger the taste of power.. like edward lust towards isaBELLa swan's blood.. i dont think i can resist it like he did.. power is very tempting right.. but once you got it, it is a HUGE RESPONSIBILITY.. respons + ability = responsibility.. thats it i need an ability to responds to my environment to get what i want.. to BE what i WANT! ..INsya ALLAH..

ps : why does everybody with the surname of swan got the cute boys in story???

bella swan got edward..

elizabeth swan got the pirate..

the swan princess got her prince charming.. TRUST ME..she is a swan princess..

me??? ...i think i need to change my name....


ALIA FAHIZHA 'SWAN' FAHIMI..

just kidding!!

ssshhh.....it's secret

have you have any secret you wish you could tell someone
but you cant
why??
because you just cant trust anybody
i had plenty of secret that i wish i can share.. but i didnt
maybe its me, i dont trust anybody.. its my bad..

it might be embarrassing for me if anybody know the secret of me.. i am a very private people who did not talk that very much..
maybe there are somebody who think they can figure me out.. though i doubt it very much.. because i cant even figure ME out, myself

i live with principle, some of the principle is really ridiculous but i feel very comfortable with it.
my view might not be the same with others
i hope it differs because i want to be DIFFERENT.. but things just not what you think it is. wasn't it?
i am rambling here and i am not trying to make any sense at all.. i just want to say, that it is good to be somebody.. even though you are lil bit different from others.. you are who you are and i am who i am

maybe i need change because i am not making any progress with myself
maybe i need to be somebody else to achieve what i want
i need to start somewhere but my feet is glued to where i stand
sometime i feel that i cant move.. i just sway.. i need to change badly and i dont know where to start..

you might think that i am going to reveal my secrets to you.. it is not that many though.. you might be dissapointed... but what the heck.. this is mine, i dont think i can share it with anybody..

in conclusion, i think i dont trust anybody.. there is no one who can keep my secret..
i can found anybody YET!

ps : this is a secret, you cant share it with anybody!

change!

it take time to change
but i need it NOW!!

as a lazy bum i wish i am more hardworking.
i hope i start waking up early in the morning instead of 8 oclock everyday
this way i am able to be active earlier than i always had

i wish i can stop my television addiction and concentrate more on things that is more important such as my work and medical study.. really need to improve on this

i wish i am more concentrate on my work and discipline in completing my work
i wish i am more ambitious
i wish i am more friendly and more talkative? dont know about that but i think talkative person is have more friend and easily socialise.. well, i hope that.

there is a lot of think that i wish i am, and i hope i can be..
i dont want to be passive, i need to be more active
hmm, perhaps i should drink milo at the start of my day..

i wish i can CHANGE drastically

'SUNAT'thon

on 13th of december 2008 i had voluntered to help in a sunathon program organised by PSP USMKK. it is a program where about 80 over boys were gathered and will be circumcised together. it is an interesting program where i get the chance to assist dr to do it. well some of the guys from my batch had actually performed the procedure, but i still dont have the gut to do so. hehe, little bit chicken..

the day was started with all the boys were drenched by the fireman.. interesting to watch them get wet before awaits what will happen next. hehe, their worst nightmare..

may and i were given the task to assist dr irfan from ORL department (which circumcised lil boy 'assets' with such grace). it was so difficult the first time we assisted dr since we had no idea the different surgical apparatus in front of us. huhu, we felt so stupid cause we cant differentiate between artery with suture holder and forcep. so, we just hentam when dr asked for those things. silly us. thank god we finally get it when it come to the next boy. alhamdulillah..

we had managed to circumcised at about 8 boys that day. the most memorable boys that we had was the last boy, a lil boy (name is classified) who entered the room while closing both of his eyes with his lil hand. so cute! i even had to 'dukung' him onto the desk. (yup, we had actually used school desk as the bed). he done the circumcission with his brother which was coolly being chopped off (do mind my language).. at first he cried even before dr had done anything. his father had to comfort him in order to get him to relax so dr can circumcise easily. he never opened his eyes during the procedure.. i am so glad that he stopped crying. if not,i am not sure we can do it this year.

i am so glad i volunteer for this program. it is a very interesting program and i would like to join it again, if god permits me, insyaAllah



taking a bath together